Category: Relationships

How to Create a Safe Space in Your Relationship

Your relationship should make you feel safe and secure.  It should be the kind of relationship that encourages good communication and understanding when a conflict should arise.  However, you know that things don’t always go as you would like and sometimes nasty words are exchanged and you and your partner are hurt, confused and angry.

It’s during those trying times, you need to feel comfortable enough to discuss your issues, without feeling intimidated, wronged or invisible.  How do you create an environment that allows you each to speak your minds so a compromise can be established?

You first have to set down some guidelines about fair fighting.  In other words, discuss how your fights should progress: Can you declare time out to cool down?  Must you solve the problem before going to bed?  Should you never bring up past conflicts? Is name-calling a No-No?

If you each have an understanding of what is expected, you will feel more comfortable expressing yourself, with the goal of finding some resolution to your problem.

The next thing you should do is respect your partner by listening to what is being said.  The biggest problem in relationships is feeling like you are not being heard or that your partner has an agenda and that’s all that matters.  Listen, acknowledge, understand, empathize and then speak your mind, based on what you heard and how you feel about what you heard.  Sharing with an open mind and allowing your partner to do the same is ideal, although not always easy.  By practicing a new way of communicating, you can often avoid misunderstandings and resentments, which break down the foundation of a relationship.

You will definitely feel safer and more connected to your partner when the ground rules are set, agreed upon and implemented.  Your relationship is special and you and your partner need to maintain a healthy co-existence by assuring each other respect, honor, commitment and security.

 

 

 

 

Make Your Relationships Healthy

Happily Ever After SignDid you ever wonder what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like? Do TV shows and movies depict what we should expect from our relationships?

Unfortunately, Hollywood may not be the best example, but it’s never too late to try to improve your relationships and model the best features that work.  The following are some guidelines to follow to be sure you are living your best life—together with your partner:

  1. You feel safe and comfortable expressing your feelings and needs, without fear of being reprimanded or belittled.
  2. You support each other’s goals, encouraging in a non-competitive, accepting way.
  3. Decisions are made together, with respect given to each other’s opinions. No one person is superior to the other and there is a balance between giving and receiving.
  4. Conflicts are mutually resolved. There is willingness to compromise so that no one person is left feeling wrong or devalued.
  5. You share common interests and ideals, but are able to pursue outside interests, including friends, hobbies, schooling, etc. There is a balance of closeness and separateness from each other, yet you are able to play and have fun.
  6. You maintain your autonomy, so that if you are left alone, you are able to function, taking care of all your responsibilities and commitments easily.

These may seem impossible to fulfill, but they aren’t that difficult.  After all, they are basically the inalienable rights we all deserve.  Everyone needs to feel respected and valued for who they are. The thing to remember is that whatever you want in a relationship, your partner probably wants it too.

So, you may have to be the catalyst to make some changes, with the intention of both of you reaping the rewards.   Don’t be afraid to initiate things, because changes have to start somewhere.  So, open up your communication lines, be fair when you fight, honor and respect each other’s feelings and know that however you treat your significant other is how you want to be treated, as well.  Why not be the best you can be – for yourself and for those you sincerely care about?