May, 2018 - THE JOY OF OPTIMISM

How to Create a Safe Space in Your Relationship

Your relationship should make you feel safe and secure. It should be the kind of relationship that encourages good communication and understanding when a conflict should arise. However, you know that things don’t always go as you would like and sometimes nasty words are exchanged and you and your partner are hurt, confused and angry.

It’s during those trying times, you need to feel comfortable enough to discuss your issues, without feeling intimidated, wronged or invisible. How do you create an environment that allows you each to speak your minds so a compromise can be established?

You first have to set down some guidelines about fair fighting. In other words, discuss how your fights should progress: Can you declare time out to cool down? Must you solve the problem before going to bed? Should you never bring up past conflicts? Is name-calling a No-No?

If you each have an understanding of what is expected, you will feel more comfortable expressing yourself, with the goal of finding some resolution to your problem.

The next thing you should do is respect your partner by listening to what is being said. The biggest problem in relationships is feeling like you are not being heard or that your partner has an agenda and that’s all that matters. Listen, acknowledge, understand, empathize and then speak your mind, based on what you heard and how you feel about what you heard. Sharing with an open mind and allowing your partner to do the same is ideal, although not always easy. By practicing a new way of communicating, you can often avoid misunderstandings and resentments, which break down the foundation of a relationship.

You will definitely feel safer and more connected to your partner when the ground rules are set, agreed upon and implemented. Your relationship is special and you and your partner need to maintain a healthy co-existence by assuring each other respect, honor, commitment and security.

Do You Possess The Mindset Of Positive People?

As you age, you sometimes become jaded because you’ve been through so much. However, it’s important to realize that the same attention you pay to negative things can be better spent refocusing your thoughts on the positive. There is no point holding on to negative images when they only create more self-doubt, guilt and suffering in your life. Can you let these thoughts go, allowing yourself to move in the direction of happiness, joy and optimism?

Positive people are able to maintain their focus no matter what the circumstance or situation. They stay optimistic by creating personal stepping stones to help get them past their occasional stumbling blocks. They are able to do this because they possess the following characteristics, which are easily learned and, through awareness, they indoctrinate into their life.

They have a set of values and do not compromise their integrity to get what they want. Rather they maintain their strong principles and beliefs, which keep them feeling good about themselves and what they are doing.
Positive people hang around with a network of like-minded individuals who support, encourage and energize them to stay motivated and accountable.
The key to staying healthy and keeping one’s mind alert is a willingness to constantly learn and grow. The most positive people are the ones who keep their knowledge base open so they never stagnate, physically or mentally.
It’s important to project confidence wherever you go. Positive people keep doubt and insecurity out of their realm of consciousness, believing in themselves and their potential.
Positive people step out of their comfort zone to take healthy risks, resulting in more opportunities and better outcomes. They are not afraid to try new techniques, new tools, and practice different strategies, with the intent of reaching greater heights.
Habits become part of your subconscious mind are no longer questioned. Optimism is a way of thinking that positive people internalize.
Positive people have a compelling vision and plan for their future. They have a clear blueprint or outline of what they want and everyday they do something to bring it closer to reality.
It’s always good to believe that it is within your control to shape the outcome of your life and that you are not the victim of chance circumstance. Positive people are willing to put in the effort necessary to make things happen for their greater good.

How many can you relate to?

You can’t change your past, but you can change and embrace the future with openness and optimism. All it takes is a willingness to try a new way of thinking and perhaps a new way of “being”. What better way to live your life than by feeling good, hopeful and optimistic about what lies ahead!

Make Your Relationships Healthy

Did you ever wonder what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like? Do TV shows and movies depict what we should expect from our relationships?

Unfortunately, Hollywood may not be the best example, but it’s never too late to try to improve your relationships and model the best features that work. The following are some guidelines to follow to be sure you are living your best life—together with your partner:

You feel safe and comfortable expressing your feelings and needs, without fear of being reprimanded or belittled.
You support each other’s goals, encouraging in a non-competitive, accepting way.
Decisions are made together, with respect given to each other’s opinions. No one person is superior to the other and there is a balance between giving and receiving.
Conflicts are mutually resolved. There is willingness to compromise so that no one person is left feeling wrong or devalued.
You share common interests and ideals, but are able to pursue outside interests, including friends, hobbies, schooling, etc. There is a balance of closeness and separateness from each other, yet you are able to play and have fun.
You maintain your autonomy, so that if you are left alone, you are able to function, taking care of all your responsibilities and commitments easily.

These may seem impossible to fulfill, but they aren’t that difficult. After all, they are basically the inalienable rights we all deserve. Everyone needs to feel respected and valued for who they are. The thing to remember is that whatever you want in a relationship, your partner probably wants it too.

So, you may have to be the catalyst to make some changes, with the intention of both of you reaping the rewards. Don’t be afraid to initiate things, because changes have to start somewhere. So, open up your communication lines, be fair when you fight, honor and respect each other’s feelings and know that however you treat your significant other is how you want to be treated, as well. Why not be the best you can be – for yourself and for those you sincerely care about?